he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Randomize
