I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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