the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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