he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
