you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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