i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
