I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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