This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
