wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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