Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
