You smell like a Billy Joel song
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
