I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
