she was so not down for the gang bang
I need help removing her.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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