Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
