So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
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Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
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You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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