"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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