Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
