She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Randomize
