I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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