Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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