you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
