I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
