So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
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I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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