My sheets look like a crime scene.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
