She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
