I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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