Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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