So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
