The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
