she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Randomize
