I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
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Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
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Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.