you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
