At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days