Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
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Mom said you looked used
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
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I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.