Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Randomize
