the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.