Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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