We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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