Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
