I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
