Sponge bath it is.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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