I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
