Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
