I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
