i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
