You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
The beer is more important than you right now.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
