I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
