P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
