i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
