from now on my penis is your penis
Your dad touched me again.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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