and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
