Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
