At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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