just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
