just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
