Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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