he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
