Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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