I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
