Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
