if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
