I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Just pee around me
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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