I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
