Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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