I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
