Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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