How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I canβt believe the first text Iβm sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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