Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I see more hoeing in ur future
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