I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You've changed since you got that strap on
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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