Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
