Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
