We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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