So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
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Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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