I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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