Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He shit in the fireplace
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
