drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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