just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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