There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
