Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
