and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
