Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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