Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
