I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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