Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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