Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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