I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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