I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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