i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
