you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
