I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
