I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize