I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
