the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
