By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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