What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
