i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
